I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
