He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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