Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
