If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
