apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
