I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
