I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
