He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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