I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
