That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
