At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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