this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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