I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
