Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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