I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
