Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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