Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
