How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
