Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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