Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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