I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
