she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
