why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
