I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize