he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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