I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You left your phone here
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