Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize