He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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