Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
