i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
