cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
