I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
