she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
