Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
