she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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