Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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