Kiss
Puke
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
