You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
