i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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