Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
