a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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