so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
