that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you traded sex for a burrito?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
