we have officially lost it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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