Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
