i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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