I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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