sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
