Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
