If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
