I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
