We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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