Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize