I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
