That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We got so high we made milksteak
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
