I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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