you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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