Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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