just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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