dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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