And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
