I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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