We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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