1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
