I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
