Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I died a long time ago.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
