whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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