We should be called the Road Head Warriors
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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