My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
