Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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