i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
