Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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