I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
