I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
