Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's get the cat blown out
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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