soooo we both peed the bed last night...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
