He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
