I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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