Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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